Tales of the Parodyverse

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ag
Wed Dec 13, 2006 at 05:13:31 pm EST
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Pretty Bird AG’s CrazySugarFreakWedding! Story
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All Saints Cemetery;

Half the day has passed already. Carl Bastion knows he should be back at Lair Island attending the celebration but his heart just could not get into it.
Before him stood two elaborate gravestones. Full size statues had been carved into the stones, which revealed the heroic images of two of the Parodyverses greatest World War II heroes. Pigeonman and Pigeonwoman.
“I just don’t get it.” Carl said aloud to their graves. “You fought so hard for so many years. You told me you died after the war and than were reincarnated, so I guess dying isn’t permanent for you two, but why did you both have to go that way?”
Carl wiped his eyes and continued. “It’s been a year now, I think. I should have gotten over it. I lost my real dad after finally getting to know him. Why is this so hard? And how come I can’t remember if you guys died a year ago or two years ago? Ah hell, it doesn’t matter. You just shouldn’t have died like that. A simple hunter, meaning nothing bad, accidentally mistaking you two for ducks during duck season. It ain’t right.”
“No. It isn’t.”
The voice was firm and mysterious. At first, Carl could not tell where it had come from but when an eerie yellow mist started to gather around a nearby tree, he had his suspicions. Even though he was in his street clothes, Carl was able to reach into his duffle bag, pull out his collapsible bow and one trusty arrow and aim it towards the mist.
“All right, wise guy! Who are you? Come out so I can see ya.”
The yellow mist parted on it’s own and a man dressed in a blue suit and simple hat stood before Carl. Instead of a face, the man had a smooth surface with a big question mark on it. “There will be no need for violence, Carl Bastion. I have not come to harm you.”
“Yeah? Well you couldn’t if you tried, buddy. What do you want?” Carl was still aiming at the man’s chest.
“Carl Bastion. Trickshot. Lair Legion. JBH. Sole survivor of ‘Earth Tricky’. Without upsetting you, when did your Earth blow up, Carl?” His voice was annoyingly calm.
“Years ago. So?”
“Are you sure? What about the Pigeon heroes buried there. Are you sure it was a hunting accident that killed them?”
“Listen Question-mark-face, you’d better get to the point real fast.”
“My name is the Query. Now is not the time for us to have this chat. One day, however, I will return into your life. The destruction of ‘Earth Tricky’, the destruction of Thonggar, the death of all the Pigeon Heroes, the death of Jackie Rabbit, it’s all related. No one remembers the Crisis but it did, does and will happen. You will remember though. You are the key. One day, Carl. One day.”
“That’s enough, bozo!” Carl fired his electro-shock arrow but it simply passed through the yellow mist. He swore and walked over to pick up the shaft. The man was long gone.
“Great. A guy can’t pay his respects without some bozo coming in and buggin’ him.”

Soon the Flying Ass was zipping over Neal Adams Boulevard, a block west of the Parodyverse Emporium. Carl looked down and saw his target. He landed his flying bike thing in front of Curry’s Costume House and walked inside. Fifteen minutes later, he left dressed in a full John Wayne cowboy outfit. The only difference was his green quiver and his bow.
“There.” He thought to himself as he flung his sack of normal clothes onto his flying bike. “Everyone was buggin’ me about dressin’ like Robin Hood or one of those characters in Dream’s funny books but I knew just who to go as. The best cowboy there ever was. Big John Wayne. I always had a thing for Westerns. Those days were so simple . . .”

Carl was interrupted as a woman’s scream filled the air. He could tell at once it was coming from the flower shop next door. Trickshot did not even bother to change costume as he bolted towards the door of the shop.
A man dressed in green, fully incased in a whirlpool of water looked at him. He was holding a blonde woman by the neckline of her shirt.
“Ah %^$#! I guess I’m gonna be late for Dream’s wedding.”





A dark, safe house, somewhere in the Midwestern United States;

Three figures sat around the glow of a television set, located in the basement. Two of them were red-headed children. The other was further in the shadows and obscured by the dark, but was clearly a twenty-something female.
The television was broadcasting news of the big wedding on Lair Island.

“Are you sure, sister? I think it would be fun to drop by.” The young boy asked.
“You know the answer, Draden. We’re miles away at the moment and we’ve got a nasty creature to sort out in this town. We’ll just have to miss a chance to catch up with our friends.”
In the glow of the multicolored light, the little girl’s red eyes and sharp pointed teeth could be seen.
“Your older brother is right, Emily.” The woman joined in the conversation from the darkness. “You’re being too stuffy. I’d love a chance to see old friends again. Especially Visionary.”
The TV started showing a walking pencil drawing that appeared to be Visionary.
Emily’s curly red hair flopped as she spun to look at the mysterious woman. “I think you have seen Visionary enough. If I hadn’t stopped you from visiting him at night, who knows what you would have done.”
“I wouldn’t have turned him into a vampire like us, if that’s what you think.”
“Are you sure of that? It’s bad enough you mesmerized him, invaded his dreams and almost even...” She paused. “I’m just grateful I found you when I did.”
The woman frowned in the darkness. Emily continued as she looked back at the image of CrazySugarFreakBoy! and his bride to be, Alice April Apple. “Let’s just watch.”





Fresno California, in the one room apartment of elementary school teacher Jack Roberts;

His TV was showing the same live feed. Jack lied back on his couch with his legs up on the coffee table. He did not look happy. In one hand, he held the TV remote. In the other was an invitation.
“Congrads, Dream. I would be there with you but that part of my life ended when my sister and dad died. Cheers.”
He changed the channel.




Laurel’s House of Flowers, Paradopolis;


Three arrows sliced through the air towards the whirlpool that surrounded the villain. Each one had no effect as the water seemed to bat them away. “Not this time, Trickshot! My whirlpool is mentally controlled by my helmet in such a way that I can easily block all your shots! You wont be using your electro-arrow on me now!”
“Well I’ll tell ya . . . pilgrim. You don’ wanna call me out.” Trickshot slurred at the villain.

The blonde woman was still struggling from the villain’s clutches. She gave Trickshot a pained expression, then simply kicked into the whirling water.
“UUGH!” The villain fell to his knees, clutching his groin. The woman landed on her feet, perfectly.
“What the. . .?”
She put her hands on her hips. Carl could not help but admire her attractive physique. “I took some self defense courses. Mind telling me what the heck you were doing there, handsome?”
Carl discovered his throat was stuck for a moment. “I . . . John Wayne.”
“Pardon?” She brushed aside her golden locks and regarded him with a smirk. That did not improve the situation.
“Uh . . . Wayne. I was dressed as . . . I mean I am dressed as John Wayne. I wuz doin’ an impersonation of the Duke. Wayne.”
“Well don’t. Quite frankly, you sucked.” She casually strode over to him and brushed some wind swept flowers off his shirt. “A guy as handsome as you shouldn’t be going around acting like something he’s not.”
“Uh . . .”
The villain started to get up but the woman simply did a spin kick, which knocked the foe to the ground, whimpering. “My name’s Deana Morris. So who is this moron?”
Trickshot’s eyes went wide.
“He’s called Whirlpool-wind. A real lame guy.”
“I can tell. He came in here, demanding the money from the cash register. I stood up to him and he grabbed me by the shirt and tried his mucho crap. That’s when you came in.”

She walked back to the register counter. There was an open plain brown package with a bag of lemon drops poking out. She popped one into her mouth and continued to explain. “I was just about to close up, too. This package had just arrived. It’s from the local clock repair guy. He fixed our wall clock last week. Didn’t want to be paid. Said to watch for a package. Crazy little man with a red coat named . . .”
“Xander! Quick! Spit out that candy!” Trickshot moved towards her while Deana backed up.
“GULP! What is it? Are you crazy?”
“You swallowed it!” Trickshot looked down at the package but it was gone. “Where did it go?”
“I don’t know. It was just here.”
WHHHOOOSH!
The two then realized their mistake. No one was watching the villain. Whirlpool-wind was leaning against a display, his arms sticking straight out. A large gush of water and wind smashed the two into and over the counter.
With a moment reprieve, Trickshot checked to see if Deana was alright.
“I’m bruised but fine.”
“Good. I’ll take that bozo out.”
“No!”
“What?”
“No one is destroying the store on my night! My boss will be furious!”
“Listen babe, let me handle it. A nice gal like you . . .”
Her look froze Trickshot cold. He did not want to mess with her. She careful pulled herself up and looked at the villain. Trickshot followed but he could not see as well because her blonde hair kept blowing into his eyes.
She stared down the villain and then shouted at the top of her lungs. “STOP IT!”
All three were shocked as a powerful sonic force burst from her vocal cords and smashed the villain into the back of the flower shop. He was out cold.
“What did I do?”
“Looks like you just got super powers, babe.”
She turned to look at him. “Don’t call me babe.”
“How about pretty bird?”
She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “That’ll do. Come on. I’m sure you’ve got an arrow that ties up losers.” She sprang from behind the counter.
He just sat there a moment, stunned. “Uh . . . yeah. Yeah! Of course.”

As she bent down, (revealing a view that caught Carl’s eyes) she picked up one of the flower displays. “It’s going to take me all night to clean this mess up.”
Carl had just finished tying the villain up. “I’ll stick around an’ help.”
“What about that big wedding thing going on? Weren’t you on the way there?”
“We can clean up here an’ then you can join me. It’ll be fun.”
She tossed her hair. “I suppose. I’ve never met any other super types before. It should prove interesting.”



The end, for now.





Scott
ag aka muse-slave aka Jack_Roberts aka just 'Scott'








My blog, THE BLOG OF THE NIGHT CHILDREN.
Come see!




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